I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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