Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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