I heard we made out
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
