dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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