just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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