she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
