My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
