He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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