I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
