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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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