I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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