White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
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