yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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