home. puking in laundry basket.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
