party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
This baby is an asshole
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
