she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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