my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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