tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
