The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
