I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
