ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
