i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
