I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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