Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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