In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
