My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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