Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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