with your own penis?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize