it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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