moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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