What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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