So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
