He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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