my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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