Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
