Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
