"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I think people are normalizing furries
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
