I heard we made out
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
