weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
