I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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