Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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