awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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