I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
