I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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