I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
