the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize