Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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