I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Randomize
