Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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