Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
