shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
