did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
