so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
