I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
