why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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