OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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