Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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