That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
