Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
