i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
