Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
