Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
