My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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