White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
