I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
