Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
