my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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